peace

i am currently sitting here looking out the window at a beautiful view of the Oregon coast. The beach has always been my escape. I cant help but feel that this is where I am meant to be. The sound of the surf is the most relaxing sound in the world. I hope to one day live near the beach. There is something about the smell of salt in the air that is so welcoming. If it weren't for my family, I honestly wouldn't feel like I had much of a reason to not just stay here. I love the feeling of the sand in between my toes. I don't think I am meant to be a city girl . I'm a small town girl, whose always had to live in the city because shes had no other choice. The only hard part is that this is the first time in fourteen years, that I have gone to the beach without a dog. I feel so at peace here. Free. Alive.

skye

sssschweet

soooooo
I just found out that my girl Krystal, her brother. his wife and their baby girl are all moving back to Portland!!! I am so stoked!!!! I cant wait.
Everything in my life is going exactly how i want it to. Its amazing how much your life can improve when you make just a few changes. I feel so balanced. I don't know where I'm going, but for once I feel secure with the unknown aspects of my life. I'm enjoying each moment with out fretting what will happen in the next. I have the most amazing friends and a really great life.

life as of now

so my life has been pretty much amazing. I am making so many great positive changes in my life. Ive finally decided that it is about time I actually get my license so I'm signing up for driving classes. With my moms help, i'm learning to cook all kinds of food. I am taking school much more seriously as well.
Ive been hanging out with this new guy, and hes pretty special. Hes smart, hardworking, and funny as hell. Unlike most people in their twenties, hes finished school and has a great career. Hes really supportive of all the changes Ive been working on, and he always motivates me to do whats best for me. Oh and hes gorgeous, and then some. We always have a blast. Its nice just get to know a guy, and not jump into tagging on the girlfriend/boyfriend labels. I look forward to seeing where this goes.

On a sad note, my grandmothers health is deteriorating. She is eighty years old and recently had knee replacement surgery, which I believe she is way to old for. While in rehab she got sick and was taken to the ER where they found a blood clot in her lung. A few days later when they went to check to see if it had moved towards her heart, they found a large tumor in her chest. Shes finally out of the hospital and living with my aunt, whos a nurse. But everyday gets harder for her. She cant swallow her pills anymore, so they will be putting her on an IV and give her morphine. Shes not eating much, and becomes weaker everyday. Shes ready to go, and to be with the love of her life in heaven. So she said no chemo, which at her age, i understand. I just pray that when she goes, its peacefully and that she doesn't feel pain.

anyways, all in all life is amazing. And for once I feel stress free.
so hells ya